No Sarah today :(

No Sarah today :(

No Sarah today :(

A senior member of the BBC contacted me this morning to say that Sarah was regrettably unable to attend this morning's show. I cannot divulge any more details for thetime being.

Fearnley-Whittingstall and Hope

Lessons learned from today's show

Sarah Kennedy's Dearly Beloved (aka Adrian) went to school with the 'eccentric' Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall. Apparently he was a messy child.

SK thinks that Bob Hope was 'stunning'.

Exciting news!

There have been rumours in the media world that the popular 80s TV programme, Game For A Laugh, is to make a one-off return next year. Discussions have apparently begun to reunite the famous cast of our own Sarah Kennedy, Jeremy Beadle, Matthew Kelly and the Irish man. Can anyone out there shed some light on this?

Hot air balloons, bicycles, vests, hangovers and Bob the Builder

Sarah Kennedy has been in two hot air balloons. On the first occasion she ended up straddling the the cameraman, and in the second, she landed on top of a giraffe.

SK hates bicycle riders.

Ms K's vest may look dirty, bit it's only because she washed it with silly old Dearly Beloved's (aka Adrian's) black socks.

SK never gets hangovers.

Yesterday, Sarah watched Bob the Builder.

Puddings

Lessons learned from today's show

Sarah Kennedy loves puddings (aka puddines). In particular, her favourites are as follows:
-- chocolate mousse
-- 'anything lemony'

Decorations, Delights, Lynn Bowles's legs and pants

Lessons learned from today's show

Sarah Kennedy said that the studio had been decorated over the weekend. She thinks that Jonathan Ross must have done it as it looks like a 'tart's boudoir'.

On Saturday night, SK and Dearly Beloved (aka Adrian) curled up on the sofa to watch The Box Of Delights.

SK has never seen Lynn Bowles's legs.

Dearly Beloved went Christmas shopping over the weekend, and guess what he came back with? Twelve pairs of pants.

Christmas parties

Lessons learned from today's show

It was the Dawn Patrol Christmas party at lunchtime today.

Tomorrow is the Radio 2 Christmas office party.

Travel and binoculars

Lessons learned from today's show

On Sundays, it normally takes Sarah Kennedy one hour and a half to drive in her Bot from the country to the London residence. However, last Sunday there was a massive traffic jam on the A1 and it took her five hours.

Silly old Dearly/Much Beloved (aka Adrian) still wants a pair of binoculars for Christmas. SK is still not impressed.

Pasquale, lost jingles, fog and Christmas parties

Lessons learned from today's show

Crafty old Much Beloved (aka Adrian) had a bet on Joe Pasquale winning I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here right from the beginning! How does he do it?

Sarah Kennedy lost the 'It's showtime!' jingle so had to do it herself this morning. She was quite good.

SK played 'Can't Stand the Rain' by Anne Peebles. We learnt that Sarah doesn't mind the rain -- it's the fog she detests.

Funny traffic woman Lynn Bowles was wearing her ratting suit again today. Ms K only hopes she won't be wearing it to this Thursday's Radio 2 Christmas party.

Cat sick and sick notes

Lessons learned from today's show

Sarah and Lynn Bowles were talking about cat sick today during 'It's showtime!'.

SK might have to have a day off soon as she's got some stomach problems.

Lessons learned from today's show

After all the talk about Poinsettias, someone sent a boxful of them into the show.

SK has poisoned her toe.

Hector the cat has conjunctivitis.

Whenever Sarah returns to the country home at the weekend, you can always guarantee that all the cats will be there awaiting her return.

Cold and Hector's balls

Lessons learned from today's show

It's so cold in the studio that Sarah has to wear several layers of clothes, including a poncho and an alpaca.

Hector the cat was very sad yesterday. It was off to the vet and crying so much that Sarah had to speak to it on the phone to calm it down. The last time it went to the vet it came back with its two balls missing.

Records, photos and algae

Lessons learned from today's show

Sarah played an old-fashioned record for today's 'It's Showtime' song. Unfortunatley, she played it at the wrong speed, but it did sound better!

SK assures us that the photo of her on the front of Thomas's Joke Book is not a very good one. Apparently, silly old Dearly Beloved (AKA Adrian) took it!

On holiday recently in Oman, Ms K bumped into a delightful young boy who spoke to her about algae.

Timewasters, poinsettias and Barclaycard

Lessons learned from today's show

Sarah had to suffer six prank phonecalls last night, from 2am onwards.

SK loves poinsettias.

Ms K is getting worried as she hasn't received her Barclaycard invoice yet for last month.

Knickers, binos and milk

Lessons learned from today's show

Silly old Adrian (aka Dearly Beloved) still insists on needing a pair of binoculars for Christmas

In return, the Beloved is getting SK some lacy knickers with 'SMK' embroidered on them.

The BBC ran out of milk this morning.

Shark's jaw and robbers

Lessons learned from today's show

From her last holiday in Oman, SK got Lynn Bowles a shark's jaw that she found.

As a child, Sarah's house was burgled three times in one week.

Mine pies, cabbage and binoculars

Lessons learned from today's show

Unusually, Dearly Beloved (aka Adrian) is not panic-buying mince pies this year. Instead, he has developed a craving for pickled cabbage.

And, for Christmas, he wants a pair of binoculars.

SK is back...

... from her holidays!
Lessons learned from today's show

She gained five pounds on holiday

She didn't peel in the glaring sun of Oman.

That offensive article

(See below picture for text...)

GIVE IT A REST, SARAH

This rubbish was printed in The Sunday Mirror yesterday...

IT looks like the early mornings are taking their toll on former TV favourite Sarah Kennedy.

The BBC Radio 2 presenter looked under the weather as she left the studio last week.

Sarah, 54, who shot to fame as one of the hosts of Game For a Laugh, has been presenting the 6am show from Broadcasting House.

But maybe she should ask for a later slot as she is obviously not an early morning person.

An onlooker said: " No one would expect her to look like she did 20 years ago, but it was shocking to see her looking so old."

Sarah has worked in broadcasting for more than 25 years.

She and her partner Adrian, who is 15 years her junior, divide their time between their three British homes.

justin.penrose@sundaymirror.co.uk

Drink up with SK!

From Wogan's Children In Need auction...

PORTUGAL WITH SARAH KENNEDY
If you've always dreamed of sharing a glass of Port with Sarah Kennedy then you may want to get your cheque-book ready because this auction lot is a corker.

You'll be bidding for a very rare bottle of Quinta do Noval Nacional port - only 200 cases are ever made in a vintage year. The catch is that the winning bidder, and a friend, will have to collect their bottle of Nacional from the Quinta house in Portugal - in the company of our Sarah Kennedy.

You and a guest will stay with Sarah at Noval's estate house for a special weekend during harvest time between the end of September and early October next year. You will be given a tour of the vineyards and the cellars, and tastings of their Vintage and Tawny ports. And you can roll up your trousers and tread the grapes yourself in the giant granite lagares, accompanied by traditional organ music, or you can play boules on the house terrace or stroll down the white wall.

The offer includes airfares between London and Oporto and transfers to the Douro - that's a car drive up on the Friday afternoon and narrow gauge railway train-ride back to Oporto city on the Monday. All meals and wines, including a Noval port tasting as well as classic vintages for dinners, will be provided during the weekend.

Port and holidays

Sarah Kennedy's treat for Children In Need is a weekend away in Portugal, drinking port.

Sarah will be away on holiday next week in Oman.

SEARCH is now fully operational

Mutton

Lessons learned from today's show

Apparently Lynn Bowles loves a bit of mutton. To which, Sarah Kennedy wittily retorted Lynn is actually mutton dressed as lamb.

Ken Livingstone and Sarah's nephew

Lessons learned from today's show

Sarah's nephew is coming to stay with Sarah soon. He is an actor and is auditioning for the part of a fairy godfather.

SK had dinner with a rugby girlfried. Sitting at an adjacent table was none other than Ken Livingstone, smoking a fat cigar.

Christmas pudding

Lesson learned from today's show

Someone sent in a Christmas pudding (aka Christmas 'puddine').

Crosswords, Jose, bathtime and wedding bells?

Lessons learned from today’s show

Embarrassingly, as she comes from a family of crossword-addicts, Sarah is no good at doing crosswords.

SK’s cleaner woman who does all the scrubbing is called Jose.

Silly old Jose did a lot of scrubbing yesterday. So much in fact, that when it came to Ms K’s nightly bath, there was no hot water left.

Sarah Kennedy and Dearly Beloved (aka Adrian) have been together for eight years.

Silly people criticise our Sarah

This is from The Guardian...

BBC DJ rapped for criticising Tony Blair
Radio 2 DJ Sarah Kennedy has been censured by BBC bosses for criticising Tony Blair and suggesting Saddam Hussein should kill himself. The presenter, who hosts the early morning weekday show before handing over to Terry Wogan, was criticised in the corporation's quarterly programme complaints bulletin.

Kennedy made the comments about the government on three separate programmes during the summer. Two listeners complained after she was critical about its record on health, transport and Iraq.

In July, another listener complained after the DJ suggested it would be better if Saddam Hussein were to commit suicide rather than face trial.

"The comment, made during the review of the morning papers, was an inappropriate expression of a personal view on a topic of controversy," said the BBC in its ruling. Kennedy's comments on the government broke the corporation's rules on impartiality.

"The head of programmes, Radio 2, discussed the finding with Sarah Kennedy and reminded her of the principles which apply to the treatment of controversial topics. The programme team was instructed to be alert to potentially controversial stories in advance of transmission."

More holidays, February, duck fat, gay cats and snorkels

Sarah and Dearly Beloved (aka Adrian) are off to Portugal soon, courtesy of Children In Need.

SK detests the month of February.

Ms K and Adrian ate a roast duck the other day. Sarah was hoping to cook up some lovely roast potatoes but silly old Adrian drained the fat away.

SK can't get over the fact that her two cats take no notice of their reflections in mirrors.

It was revealed today that one of Sarah's cats is gay and vegetarian.

Today, Kennedy is off to buy a snorkel.

Christmas and cats

For the first time in years, Sarah is not sure what to buy everyone for Christmas. She'll probably end up sending salmon in the post to relatives, and possible potted shrimps. Silly old Dearly Beloved (aka Adrian) said he wants another Burma cat.

One of many charities that SK helps out with is the animal soldiers one.

Minicab for Ms Kennedy?

Sarah got awoken four times last night by people calling for minicabs.

Pelvis, vests and jokes

Sarah once had her pelvis out of joint and had to have it manipulated by a professional.

It's so cold in the studio, SK is going to start wearing her vest soon.

Don't forget to buy Thomas's Joke Book. Although it says on the cover that only 85 per cent goes towards the good cause, the figure is in fact 100 per cent. Sarah gets cheques from the publishers and she then writes them out to the charities involved.

Weighty issues, chocs and swans

Following the illness, Sarah now weighs in under nine stone.

Listener Wilting Baz has sent in some chocolates to fat her up.

As a youngster punting on the River Cam, Sarah one managed to pop a champagne cork right smack onto a swan's beak.

Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay, My, oh my what a wonderful day!

Sarah Kennedy is back on the airwaves!

Sarah thought she had been 'mugged' this morning. In fact, it turned out that the wind had caught hold of a wet maple leaf, slapping it into the side of her face!

SK hates circuses. She dreamt about them the other night and had the dream analysed. Apparently it means she's picked up a dirty habit and that she must now work to get rid of it!

During the days off ill, Dearly Beloved (aka Adrian) kept going on about buying a 'plot' for the half-dead Sarah!

Still no Sarah!

... although stand-in Richard Allinson today said she would be back in on Monday, although how he thinks he knows, I don't know.

Help Sarah get better

You can send poor Sarah a get well soon card to:

Sarah Kennedy
c/o BBC Radio 2
White City
201 Wood Lane
London W12 7TS

Still no Sarah!

Where is our Sarah?

Still no SK :(

Get well soon, Sarah!

No Sarah today :(

Troublesome words, phones and beetroot

Sarah cannot pronounce the word d-e-f-i-b-r-i-l-l-a-t-i-o-n.

SK hates people who misuse their mobile phones.

Ms K don't like beetroot.

It's possible that Sarah won't be in tomorrow as she's feeling a bit sick?

Lynn goes AWOL, sprouts, films and Dobby

Sulky Lynn Bowles wasn't in today, so Sarah's favourite, Steve Cranford, covered for her. He's building his own bungalow don't you know.

SK despises brussel sprouts.

Sarah is off to Kimboulton video library soon to rent The Little Shop of Horrors and Cold Mountain.

Ms K calls her Dearly Beloved (aka Adrian) 'Dobby' after the house elf in Harry Potter.

Dearly Beloved and illness

Dearly Beloved (aka Adrian) has apalled Sarah by stripping off in public. Apparently he was invited to Wadham Women's Institute by a relative of his. Once inside, he had to strip and 'wear silks'(?). If any member of the Wadham WI has any photos, please contact me. SK was very urprised as Adrian is normally extremely prudish when it comes to his nakedness. He will normally not have a bath on a Sunday morning, as the church-goers can see right in on him.

Hopefuly Sarah will be in tomorrow, but be warned -- she thinks she's coming down with the flu.

Submarine

Sarah could not face entering a submarine.

Wind, DJs and fitness

Lessons learned from today's and yesterday's shows

SK's brother once lost a house in a hurricane.

Sarah told us that she is not a top DJ -- but she is a 'professional witterer'!

Dearly Beloved (aka Adrian) is 'fit'. In fact, he's as 'fit as a fiddle'.

Poll results

How often do you listen to Sarah Kennedy's Radio 2 show?

5 times a week: 71%
4 times a week: 3%
3 times a week: 2%
2 times a week: 0%
Once a week: 0%
Less often: 5%
Never: 19%

Thanks to everyone who voted!

Sarah's book-signing sessions

Go along and meet our Sarah at the following Thomas's Joke Book signing sessions. All proceeds go to the NSPCC!

Reading: WH Smith -- 5 October, 11:30
Bromley: Ottaker's -- 12 October, 4:30
Salisbury: Ottaker's -- 2 November, TBC
Guildford: Ottaker's -- 23 November, 11:30

Olde worlde, cheese and Bing

Lessons learned from today's show

Sarah Kennedy is off to a Jacobean entertainment night in Leicester tonight.

Ms K's dad loved Stilton cheese.
SK's producer (aka Mark Simpson) is off next week. This means Sarah will be able to chose more of her own music, such as Bing Crosby.

Loren, East Grinstead and trolley buses

Lessons learned from today's show

Dearly Beloved (aka Adrian) has never heard of Ava Gardner or 'trolley buses'.

SK is off to hometown East Grinstead after accepting an offer to visit a medical charity there.



Lessons learned from yesterday's show

Sarah thinks that Sophia Loren is the most beautiful person on the planet.

SK also thinks that every relationship should have a few issues on which both partners disagree. For instance, Sarah firmly believes that the sun only comes out for a few months a year -- Dearly Beloved (aka Adrian), does not.

Bossoms, showers and dogs

Lessons learned from today's show

At the convent, Sarah's cooking teacher was called Virginia. She had the biggest bust Sarah has ever seen.

In Bologna, silly old Dearly Beloved (aka Adrian) pulled the piece of string in the hotel's shower, and a member of staff promptly appeared.

SK was convinced that today's Daily Telegraph contained a photograph of her good self. That is, until she realised it was a picture of a dog.

Weather and Bologna

Lessons learned from today's show

Sarah finds it very hard to concentrate during weather forecasts.

SK and Much Beloved (aka Adrian) had a lovely time in Bologna. They didn't buy a guide book, so ambled around the place looking at churches.

Sarah brought back a load of hotel cheeses for Lynn Bowles.

Alarm bells and baloney

Lessons learned from yesterday's show

We now know how Sarah missed Thursday's show. In her sleep, she swept her alarm clocks and tablets under the bed, so didn't get woken up!

SK is off to Bologna this weekend to celebrate Her Much Beloved's (aka Adrian's) birthday. He is...


... 38!

AWOL

Lessons learned from yesterday's show

Sarah's alarm clock failed, so Mr Alex Lester (aka Uncle Fester) did the show (just, not quite as good as Sarah would have done it).

Lessons learned from Wednesday's show

Sarah spent three and a half hours on the phone trying to book an Apex train ticket to Torquay. She still hasn't got the ticket.

SK has someone come in and do her ironing.

Jonathan Ross -- standing in for Wogan -- said that Sarah kindly showed him photographs of all her cats.

Peacocks and jokes

Lessons learned from yesterday's show

Sarah offered Jonathan Ross some of her peacocks (he later politely turned down the gift).

Sarah's new joke book will be out next month.

Windfalls, Woss and Hector the cat

Lessons learned from yesterday's show

Silly old Dearly Beloved (AKA Adrian) let in some people into Sarah's garden after they asked if they were allowed to come in and pick up the apple windfalls. They were in their late 50s and Sarah was worried in case a bee had stung them, as she could have been sued. Also, Sarah was hoping to use the windfalls herself for some jam.

Jonathan Ross -- standing in for Wogan -- smells 'fragrant'.

Silly old Hector (SK's cat) is scared of peacocks.

Lynn Bowles' microphone

For the second day running, Sarah forgot to turn on Lynn Bowles' microphone.

Disaster! and Lynn's presents

Lessons learned from today's show

Sarah had a disastrous morning. She awoke at 5:15, an hour and a half late and didn't have time to brush her teeth. When she got in to the studio there was no music. She then had a massive sneezing fit during the news review

Lynn Bowles' holiday presents from SK were some shells and some truffles.

Apricot squirrels, holidays and pants

Lessons learned from today's show
Sarah's back from Portugal and Dublin!

Sarah has seen some red squirrels, but they are actually more the colour of apricots.

Whilst in Portugal, SK saw the biggest pair of pants she has ever seen. They were hanging from a clothes line.

Much Beloved (aka Adrian) was Bag Carrying Man for the entire holiday. A job he excelled at. He also went off and bought Lynne Bowles a present. Ms K wrapped it up in her vest and will be presenting it to the traffic woman tomorrow.

Possible postcard from Portugal

Greetingtons from sunny Portugal,

We're having a lovely time here in Portgual and the Portugalese are making us feel right at home. Lovely food and extraordinary cakes to eat.

The other day I watched a curious tabby cat eat a bowl of cat food.

SWs to you all!

Sarah

PS I've found Lynne Bowles a nice pebble.

Richard Allinson needs reeducating

Lessons learned from today's show

Sarah will need to teach Richard Allinson about the paper review when she returns. In her absence, his lasted about one minute and included an estate agent's publication. What's all that about?

Requesticles, car soiling and holidays

Lessons learned from today's show

Ms Kennedy's special term for 'request' is 'requesticle'.

At one time or another, Sarah has spilt fish sauce, eggs and a plam tree in her car (aka Bot).

SK is off to Portugal next week -- that nice Mr Richard Allinson will be replacing her.

Gas, Laurel and Hardy, and the Marx Brothers

Lessons learned from today's show

Sarah used to love going to the dentist as a child and being gassed. She loved the 'trips' she would go on and hated waking up.

Laurel and Hardy, nor the Marx Brothers have ever made Sarah laugh.

Trousers and Poirot

Lessons learned from today's show

Sarah nearly left the house this morning without any trousers on -- honestly!

SK got nice newsreader Fran Godfrey to tape Poirot the other day.

Olympics and Winehouse

Lessons learned from today's show

Sarah is glad the Olympics is now over. Although she enjoyed it, she doesn't want to see another Lycra-clad bottom for a very long time.

SK's special term for the singer Amy Winehouse is Amy Winebox.

Simpsons and Parsnips

Lessons learned from today's show

John Marsh (aka Marshypops) reckons that Sarah is beginning to sound like Marge Simpson.

Sarah will not be in the studio on Bank Holiday Monday -- Lynn Parsons (aka Parsnips) will be turning up instead :(

Look at this book!

"True stories of two and four legged friends. A rollicking collection of waggish tales. Howls of mirth, purrs of delight and squawks of surpirse will greet this comical compilation of real-life gems chosen from hundreds sent in by people to Sarah Kennedy. Hardback in mint condition."

You can buy it for £3: Bid for the book.

Stop press! Sarah's new book!

One can now order Sarah's amazing new book! "A collection of children's jokes and real-life stories of troublesome toddlers from the presenter of Radio 2's "Dawn Patrol". It contains hundreds of funny, silly, naughty and charming jokes and true stories about children sent in by their loyal listeners." Order yours today.

Signed photo!

Buy a signed photo of the lovely Sarah -- only £5.

Olympics, nephews and Camberley

Lessons learned from today's show

Ms K's special word for the Olympics is the 'Olympi-bums'.

Sarah's nephew came to stay with her, and she had to drop him off at the BBC centre, but he has since gone missing! If anyone sees him, please let Sarah know.

SK used to live in Camberley.

Alan and feet

Lessons learned from today's show

Sarah had to endure a man on a train called Alan, who began and ended every sentence with the word 'cheers'.

Sarah done something to her foot, so might not be in tomorrow.

Teaching, EastEnders and diamonds

Lessons learned from today's show

Sarah was once a school teacher who taught in more than one school!

SK has never ever watched EastEnders.

Do you remember when Ms K bought those 'sport socks')? Well, several people sent her in pairs of socks. At the time she said she'd like some diamonds, and guess what... a lovely couple in Scotland have sent her a diamond paperweight!

Games

Lesson learned from today's show

Sarah is going to a party this weekend. Rather ominously, the invitation said, 'there will be games'.

Car crash and birthdays

Lessons learned from today's show

Sarah has never crashed her car.

Today is SK's brother's birthday. She doesn't know how old he is.

Portugal holiday

Sarah will be going to Portugal for a week later in the year.

Combine harvester

Lesson learned from today's show

Sarah nearly got run over by a combine harvester on Saturday.

Raspberries

Lessons learned from today's show

Sarah's favourite fruit is the humble raspberry.